Heather Gold

morning Jew Ep 8 (10/18/2013)

I’m enjoying doing this weekly morning show with my pal NY comic Katie Halper. We review the week’s headlines and ask: Is it good for the Jews? It’s so morning show sometimes you even get a true morning face from me, like in this week’s episode. This week we hit topics from the hugs: how do political parties really work in America to what a good Jerry Seinfeld interview sounds like.

If you want to know if something is good for the Jews, just ask or (more likely) tell us.
The show is at http://morningJewz.com .

Fix This Movie – Lincoln, Brave, Wreck It Ralph. Our podcast experiment. What do you think?

Mariko Tamaki and I write a lot, perform a lot, read a lot and see a lot of movies. We know as artists what it’s like to have someone just tell us what’s wrong with what we made. It’s a very popular hobby. It’s one of the many parents of the blended family known as the Internet.

Anyway, after having high high hopes for Young Adult (especially because of how much we like Diablo Cody. Ivan Reitman, Charlize Theron and Patton Oswalt’s work) we found ourselves trying to figure out *how* we could have made it better. We play this little writing game after every movie now and decided to try it as a podcast. So we made one. We discuss Lincoln, Brave and what it can learn from Wreck It Ralph. Tell us what you think. Do you want to hear some more? Any movie in particular?

I peed in a small container this morning…

I peed in a small container first thing this morning.

That’s what the woman from the electronic box company help line told me to do.

“The first urine of the morning is the most concentrated.”

Ordinarily these days I’d just pee on the stick directly and then put it into the electronic box that monitors my surge in LH or lutenizing hormone. But my trip to the west coast got extended last week and I started my cycle there. So until noon, the little box still thinks it’s yesterday when I wake up. Thus the pee saving.

It’s the latest of many self-conscious moves I’ve had to make in an effort to get pregnant. I’ve had to check in so much during this insemination process, I’m totally the Mayor of my uterus.

Because we have limited funds, time (I turned 42 on Wednesday) and only as much sperm as we can afford, we have to be precise. We need to make each month’s insemination as high yield an attempt as possible. If next week’s doesn’t work I’ll get maybe 4 more tries. I feel like Luke trying to hit the Life Star.

When the nurse practicioner told me today that she recommended more monitoring every month I had to fight back tears as I explained that we weren’t doing monthly sonograms or more testing because we couldn’t afford it. If I can get pregnant, we’ll need 5k just for the 2nd parent adoption in NY.

It’s running us $560 for a .5cc vial per month. But this is top shelf stuff. Identity release, Grey Goose sperm. Over 66 million per cc. Sperm is ubiquitous. Sperm that can get you pregnant that is from someone who can be known to your kids but not challenge your legal custody is not.

But maybe the pain of all these details are going to pale in comparision to the joy of parenting. Just like coming out in the abstract makes all the hardships crystal clear. But all of those laws and prejudices are simply dwarfed by real love and the truth of who you are.

So tomorrow morning, again, I will pee in a small container.

I perform with Margaret Cho on Wed. subvert's list: most subversive comics of all time.

Larry Charles made a list of 28 at Entertainment Weekly.He’s got some greats but every single one is a white dude (except Sarah Palin), so he’s missed some of the best. So subvert is making a list of our own.

I’m thrilled to be be performing on Wednesday the 15th to fight Prop 8 with one of these people in San Francisco: Margaret Cho. Buy your tix now.

Here is subvert.com’s list of the top subversive comics of all time.  Most of these people are not on the EW list. The number one thing that makes these folks subversive, that Larry Charles misses completely, is that for most of them just taking up public space as themselves unapologetically and truth talking in their own hilarious way was a subversive act. The most upending comic moments come when the comic has emotional skin in the game.

1. Richard Pryor