comedy Archives - Heather Gold

January 20, 2025
In poem
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I wish upon Trump

I wish upon Trump menopause
a cycle every two weeks
Waking by migraine
And sweating himself
Back into his womb

I wish him the nails
Of every girl he’s hurt
Hammered him back
Plunged in
Well done with ketchup

I wish him
A twelve hour drive through shift
At MacDonald’s
Twice a week
With dissatisfied customers

I wish him a daughter with her original nose
and son with his original chin
and their original personalities
and feelings
from infancy.

I wish him his own miscarriage
After carrying hope and life
Alone in his bed

I wish many things upon Trump
including menopause.
Giving birth to death

I wish many things upon Trump
including menopause.

–August 2018

May 9, 2018
In tech
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DM to a Mansplainer: Final Notice Any Woman Deserving a Real Apology Can Use to Save Emotional Labour

Iâ€™m sharing this text of a Final Notice to help any woman out there who needs it to save time and labour.

Taking responsibility means making it about you. Understanding something of what life is like for women means reading and paying attention and listening to us and not presuming you always have something to teach us without paying any attention to the context or listening to me. I am taking my own valuable time to have interacted with you about this several times and explain a piece of misogyny to a white guy for free. I will not do it again. You have all the tools as a nerd to figure out more about this if you wish to. I will be making use of the time I put into writing this to share it on my feeds in general. Imagine this was all day long. All day long. And itâ€™s a fraction of the crap we deal with. For WOC and queer women thereâ€™s more. All unpaid.

November 12, 2016
In posts
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My Systemic Podcast Interview

I was interviewed, just before the election, by Brett Terpstra on Systematic Podcast. I was really happy to get to talk with Brett who has built, among other things, the brilliant nvalt a note taking text editor for the Mac. It’s a double episode and we talked–among other things– about comedy, the Net’s influence on me, and Iggy Pop. You can hear it in your podcast apps or here on this page where you can also see the notes and my recommendations of great stuff.

February 5, 2015
In videos, wedding
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Marriage Equality Throwback Thursday – Comedy at the Prop 8 March in NY

Even though we were angry and most of California had just passed Prop 8, it was an exciting moment. It was the moment that tipped the movement for marriage equality. We were angry but the energy was huge nationwide.